Just Another Awkward Happening

{Notice something missing there?  We’ll get to that in a second…}

So I have this issue.  I can’t keep things to myself.  I can for a while…then, I just spill it.  Wait, I’m giving you the wrong idea.  I don’t mean I can’t keep a secret.  I’m very good with secrets.  I never tell something said in confidence.  I’m talking about a much more surface level problem.

Awkward things that happen in my day to day…I just can’t keep them at bay forever.  When an incident occurs I’ll vow to just keep it to myself.  Why does anyone need to know anyway?  Then after a few days I decide that whatever it was was simply too funny/ridiculous/unbelievable to hold inside.

A good example of this happened when I was living in Oklahoma.  Derek and I went down to the state fair where I gorged myself with “fair-food.”  At the end of our fun day I we were polishing off an elephant ear before hopping back in the car to go home.  I dropped a napkin on the ground…upon picking it up I tore the butt of my favorite skinny jeans.  {Guess I wasn’t so skinny after all.}

The tear isn’t even the awkward part.  That kind of thing happens.  What doesn’t happen is this:

I donated the jeans to a local thrift shop that I knew got a profit for recycling the material of clothing that was damaged.  A few weeks later I was shopping at said thrift shop…where I happened upon the most amazing pair of skinny jeans.  It was a magical moment.  They were just my size, even the same brand as the ones my big butt had destroyed.  {Do you see where this is going?}  So I tried them on.  A perfect fit.

That night when Derek got home I was so excited to tell him about the magical experience I’d had.  How the universe had delivered a replacement pair of jeans to replace my favorite pair.  So I put them on to show him this rare unicorn of the denim world.  For the first time I turned around and looked at my backside in the mirror.

You guessed it.  They were ripped.  I bought back my ruined jeans.  So lame.

Well…last week I had another episode of awkward that I vowed to keep quiet.  But I just can’t.  The Bible tells us to speak encouraging words to one another.  And I hope that hearing the ridiculous happenings in my life will uplift you…and make you feel more normal.

Here goes.  Last week I was sick.  It started as a sinus thing, then settled down into my chest.  Thursday morning I got up and ate some left over biscuits and gravy for breakfast, then proceeded to return some emails.  Everything was going fine.  Then I started coughing.  I really didn’t even cough that hard, but the next thing I knew the coughing had turned into puking.

Yep.  I threw up.  Right on my laptop.

Not kidding.  This happened.  B&G  made it’s second appearance and it landed on half of my key board, a little on the screen, and on my favorite pajama pants.

Like lightning I went to the kitchen for a damp rag.  I threw off my puky pants and began to wipe down my computer.  The last thing I need is a laptop that doesn’t work because my own vomit fried it’s board.  When all was clean I noticed that a few of my keys were still pretty gross.  So I got a butter knife and gently pried them up to clean underneath.  I successfully popped of and replaced “Tab”, “Caps Lock” and “Shift.”  Then I popped off “A.”  Funny…it wouldn’t go back on.  So I did “S” and figured I’d try to get them both back on in a minute.

Nope.

Turns out I broke the keys with that gentle butter knife.  Lame.  So now I’m typing without the A and S with makes it pretty slow going.  You use those letters a lot.  Customer support said my insurance would cover replacement keys from a dealer in Minot.  That’s on my list of errands for tomorrow.

Those are true stories.  I can’t make it up…and for some reason I can’t hold it in.

Happy Wednesday,

Amy